Am I Getting Older?

Or is the world getting younger?

I’ve been trapped in a whirlwind of love and toddler antics.

Every morning is a battle between my partner and me to see who is going to wake up first to watch our kid. They like to wake up and play Kirby on the Nintendo Switch. Since I’m the only one who really knows how to play the game, I take the lead until she snatches the controller out of my hand and makes me be Waddle Dee (the sidekick).

Today, we are traveling an hour on the train to a movie theater in Queens. It’s the only one in the area showing Frozen on the big screen. Later I’ll probably end up hanging out with the kids at the park. I’m the only one who brings toys and balloon animals so the children all surround me. “Are you a boy or a girl”, they ask. “Neither,” I reply, “Here’s a balloon.”

In the theater, Idina Mendel is belting notes flowing through her silver-haired avatar and my shoes are sticking to the floor. The projector’s light reflects like the moon off of my kid's face. Thoughts of my ambitions flash in my mind. I could be auditioning for acting roles or working on my travel documentary. I could be campaigning for trans rights or fighting for the environment. Instead, I’m sitting here with an Elsa doll in my hand and my kid sitting next to me. Half me, half the love of my life. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

There is a worry about time and the finite nature of the human experience. I’m nearing forty. Midlife. For all the advances we’ve made with respect to agism and supporting the elder community–I fear we will still prioritize the young. This face I wear is fading and tomorrow is not promised. My body is getting heavier and harder to move. It seems like just yesterday I was punching grown men in the face in cages in Louisiana. Just an hour ago, my kid was a baby I wore them on my chest. Now they're a kid. An actual kid! Talking back to me. Answering questions. I’m being challenged by time to prioritize what I love the most. My future self is going to thank me for the memories I’m creating today.

Besides. Time doesn't exist!

In the News

My latest episode of Transcontinental is out in the world. Check it out! I’ll be giving it a proper post soon.

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